Ever have one of those days where you would happily set the world on fire just to watch it burn?

Try havin’ a week straight of that shit. It just keeps comin…like the freakin energizer bunny of negativity.

I lied to some good friends last night because…well the truth is a bitch.

Someone said that it’s gotta be rough bein caught between the idiot and those I consider my fam. Sad part is, I’ve been here before, but with my real family.

Sadder part is, I feel like I can’t fucking trust anyone anymore…I don’t know who I can and can’t talk to about shit, except here.

But…it is what it is.

Here’s the absolute truth about things….

  1. I’m busting my ass at work, I’m not supposed to be getting more than 35 hrs a week…anything else is considered “full time” and they can only have so many full time employees. (company policy)…but anyway, those are maxed out. (And then some sometimes). I’m not complaining…I love my job…I love the peeps there. It’s the least stressful part of my day most days…usually. But lately, I’ve been getting more and more disgusted, disillusioned, etc. Sometimes I forget that customer service takes the brunt of everyone’s bullshit. (Sorry, “higher ups”, but it’s the truth…I only call you when there is an issue I can’t resolve on my own, and some of those people that come to that counter are FUCKING assholes!) I mean, I love helping people, I really do…but this shortage of everything, prices of everything (no one’s fault) is making people crazy…I’d really hate to see what would happen in the event of a zombie apocalypse or a war on “our turf”.
  2. That being said, I had a 300 dollar check this week, which I got Tuesday….guess how much of it I have left already? (Hint, it’s less than 10 bucks). Paid the damn car payment, spent a lil on the game (40 bucks maybe?), paid back some loans, and handed the rest over to the idiot..who oh so graciously handed me back 30 lousy bucks for the week. (Wow, thanks for the allowance, daddy!! I promise I’ll do more chores next week!) Which leads me to point….
  3. I tried to take a day off from cleaning/work/everything this week. I did some light housework, but not like usual. My ultimate reward? Getting called a lazy bitch yet again, and being told that “I need to get off that damn computer and do something for a change.” See number 1, pls? He literally might change the cat litter once a week and takes the garbage up maybe once every two weeks, because he works so hard. Yeah, all two fucking days of the week that you work, right asshole? Okurrrrrr.
  4. Referring a bit back to #2….I spent 40 bucks on this game, and I can’t even tell him that, or he’ll shit bricks. He who is almost 6 months behind in the rent, the electric bill isn’t paid, and I pay everything else, because he dumps whole paychecks into the games he plays. (Mostly the new one with lil dude lately)
  5. I’m so tired of fucking crying. No..it’s not depression…it’s sheer fucking heartache after heartache lately. And it’s seeped over into my online life…which is not fucking cool, not one bit. My “game” is supposed to be an escape from the horseshit, and now there’s horseshit there too. Only two things are keeping me playing it lately…One..I’m fucking addicted…and two, my online family. Other than that, the whole fucking thing has turned into a shit show, and if I could play it without rediculous lag, I’d be playing Fortnite with my co-workers.

But…once again. I gotta call on my inner self…my “Mel”…that badass bitch that smacks me around mentally, whips my ass into shape, and drags me up and around by my fuckin ears til I get the point. That bitch would rather watch the whole world burn sometimes than admit she’s wrong…I like her. lol

Song of the day:

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